Maybe now that I’ve gotten past a major milestone in grad school I’ll start blogging more……or maybe I’ll just watch more movies and buy a Playstation 3. This has been a pretty good week, but also very, very weird. I completed and turned in my mega-paper for my capstone research work, which has taken a load off of my mind that you can’t even imagine. Now I just have a four page paper to complete for the last class of this semester, and I’m off to easy street…….three more classes and I graduate. If my paper passes muster I’ll be on track to graduate with a 4.0 GPA, which should help me when I completely lose my mind and get into a Org Psych Phd program. Things are great on the school front and the weight loss has hit a new milestone. What milestone, you ask? Other GUYS are starting to mention my weight loss. You know when other guys say something it’s got to be really noticeable. I was in the office a lot last week and had several co-workers come up and comment, not to mention all of the sweet eye-rape vibes coming off of the she-geeks in my department. Perhaps some day my weight loss will create a happy medium between my arrogant belief that I should always date women who are way out of my league, and actually getting more women who really are out of my league. We’ll see how that goes….
Now to the crappy, weird and surreal part of the week…… I won’t go into too much detail because I really want to try and stay on the high road, but I got a late-night from my ex on Friday and she started the conversation with talk of getting back together. I was coming down off of a serious HIGH (from turning in my paper a few hours earlier) when she called and I was taken completely off-guard. Long story short, she took my hesitation as total rejection and the conversation took a very familiar turn…… every stupid thing I ever did in our relationship was discussed ad nauseum, and any time I tried to interject any logic or reason it was met with “it’s too late now, I should have NEVER called you”. I did not live up to the Ross and Rachel picture in her mind that prompted the phone call. I guess I was supposed to go “YEAH! Let’s forget all of the hell we put each other through and jump right back in!”. So that dragged on for a little while and went nowhere. THEN I start getting calls at 7:30am today (a Sunday) asking for a ride to work because she couldn’t find her keys. I didn’t have my ringer on so that I could sleep late, so I didn’t know she called until around noon……and by that time I had about six increasingly hostile messages accusing me of ignoring her, that she would never make the mistake of asking to get back together again, etc. So there you have it. Not sure what to make of all of that because I definitely spend a lot of time thinking about whether or not we’d at least get to a point where we can be friendly to each other and not have it be weird when we’re in the same room. We broke up early last summer and she was finally able to move out in late August (the weekend before I had surgery), so between the breakup and passing of our would-be wedding day, my surgery, the recovery and readjustment to life AFTER surgery, a job contracting for one of the most layoff-prone companies in the industry, and trying to complete a very intense semester of grad school…….I guess I didn’t react quickly enough to a 12:30am query about trying to work things out between us. In the middle of explaining where I was at mentally and emotionally right now, the dredging up of things long dead began……”why is it that last year when I was having a hard time I was supposed to cowboy-up, but now that you’re having hard time you expect all the leeway in the world to figure things out?”. Gee, I dont’ know……maybe because WE BROKE UP AND YOU MOVED OUT, AND ANY COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US SINCE THEN HAS BEEN FORCED AND UNCOMFORTABLE? Anyway, sorry for the rambling, I said I wanted to take the high road and I think I was only half successful. It was just a weird mix of shit this weekend…celebratory cheer shaken (not stirred) together with the kind of maddening and illogical guilt trip that I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with again. I have no idea what in the hell I want right now as far as a relationship, or when I’ll ever be ready to jump back on that crazy train. I can’t even muster enough interest to yammer back and forth with the OKCupid girls. To be completely honest, my biggest thought these days in regards to relationships is……when it comes to choosing a date, how young is too young before it just looks weird and we have nothing in common to talk about? I’m not out to rob the cradle or live out some jailbait fantasy, I just want to cast a wider net when I’m finally ready to get back into that world. I want to have fun and spend time with someone who doesn’t constantly remind me that I’m in my late thirties, as a way to convince me that it’s not “normal” to be unmarried with no kids. Having a good job, a good education, a nice house and little doggie is probably about as grown up as I’m going to be for a long time. Beyond that, I’m not going to punish myself with the soccer mom mentality because it’s not who I am.
Anyway, so what WOULD Nick Manning do? That’s right, he’d be DROPPIN’ LOADS! God I love HowardTV. Have I even mentioned that in my blog yet? Probably not, but it’s totally true. Oh I know, he doesn’t have all of the panache, sophistication and topical wit of cutting edge icons like Bill Maher, Bill O’Reilly, Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh, or any of the other identical clones who make really stupid people feel like they are using their brains more than the folks who watch MTV’s The Real World………..but he makes me laugh.
Next time…………how pissed I was today at the theatre when the pre-show advertisement loop played a music video by Three Doors Down that was actually an advertisement for the National Guard. Sorry if I’m the last one to hear about this pathetic piece of propaganda to get even more high school kids to die in Iraq, apparently I’ve been too busy hamming-off to HowardTV and denying my obligation to hurry up and procreate before I’m too old.
Unsaved Loved Ones 