Monthly Archives: October 2008

Yes, I AM voting for Obama….

 First of all, my sincerest apologies for not posting at all lately.  I just spent some time approving some comments, which prompted me to read some old posts, and will say this….. I am damn proud of this blog.  I am at the very least a mediocre writer, and I am honored to have anyone take some time out of their day to read my ramblings.  So for anyone who stops by regularly, I do apologize for not providing more material lately.  I’ve just been very busy with work and a personal project that will never be spoken of here because there are pieces of my life that require zero controversy.  Anyway, here I am and I just want to get something off of my chest…….. Obama is my main most man next week.

First of all, let me put this into context…… I was born on the Fourth of July in Kansas, and I was raised in a church that puts the “F” in Fundamentalist.  I have created the most insanely racist imagery on the planet, just to be edgy at times.  When I was first able to vote in 1988, my vote went to Bush senior.  Then it went to Bush Senior again, then to Bob Dole, then to Dubya, then to Michael Badnarik (Libertarian candidate)…..which brings us to this election.  Up to this point in my life you can plainly see that I have never voted one time for a Democratic nominee.  I’m not proud about this, or sad about this, it just is what it is.  If you think less of me or more of me based on my voting history, then fuck you and your knee-jerk lifestyle.  I’ve come a long way in my life…..personally, professionally, spiritually….I have gone full circle and am someone who my closest friends say “reinvents himself” every few years.  So here is the new reinvention….. I’m voting for a damn colored.

So let’s back up just a bit.  I cannot overstate the impact that fundamentalist Christianity has had on my life.  I was a pastor.  A for-real staff member of an Assemblies of God church.  In 1988 I remember a couple of things that stick out…..that was the year when the booklet “88 Reasons Why Jesus is Coming Back in ’88” came out, and I think that was the year where the mythical Russian scientists drilled a hole so deep in the earth that hey could hear hell.  Seriously, that dipshit Art Bell had it on his radio show and everything…..defying all physical ability to drill a straight hole to the center of the earth, some Russians noone has ever actually identified, drilled a hole so deep into the earth that they got audio of screams emitting from the depths of hell.  And you know what?  That shit made TOTAL sense at the time.  Jesus was coming back, I can hear hell….logic reigns supreme.  So I’ve done my time.  If I am what is referred to as a “reprobate mind”, and I’m a turncoat, I have motherfucking earned the right.  I talk to Jesus daily, he has no problem with it.  The problem that Jesus has is with his self-appointed representatives who pervert the gospel in the name of progress…..in the name of fixing this country…….in the name of “the children”.  I heard from him just this morning, and he really does have a problem with it.  Which brings me to my first real point…… Sarah Palin.

I am NOT what someone would refer to as a “single issue voter”.  But if I were to make an exception, this election would qualify as a diamond of a reason.  That reason?  Sarah Palin believes that the earth, this rock on which we live, is only 6000 years old.  Yes, you heard that correctly, the fucking PLANET EARTH is only 6000 years old (or possibly 10,000, depending on how you translate the Old Testament generational scriptures).  I’m not going to get into it to the level it deserves, but Young Earth Theory is one of the most ignorant and most dangerous pseudo-sciences of our time.  And I can sum it up like this…..ignorant fucking redneck fundamentalist assholes want children to be able to pray in schools.  Despite the fact that the inbreeding of politics and religion is the EXACT thing that put Christ on the cross, they believe the founding fathers wanted us to let our rugrats pray in school, so they recreate science with enough fancy terminology to allow idiots to create political platforms based on things like “intelligent design”.  There is no science to that shit, it’s pure reactionary politics.  Period.  And please understand, I am someone who truly, in his heart, DOES believe that the Biblical God created the heavens and the earth…..but I’m also someone who realizes that creation and evolution are not mutually exclusive.  So getting back to my point….fuck you Sarah Palin.  Fuck you for pushing your garbage version of faith on the public.  Fuck you for making women in your state pay for their own rape kits.  Fuck you for banning books.  Fuck you for opposing sex education while at the same time opposing funding for unmarried pregnant women.  And most of all, fuck you for being the ultimate poster child for ignorant politicians who represent the most heinous of all HR assholes who can smile in your face as they explain why your downsized/outsourced position is good for you and good for the country.  You are a lapdog, nothing more.  You have been groomed to be the next big Republican thing who is above the law and will not allow real questions to be asked of you by the media, much less provide real answers.  You are the ultimate answer for people whose attention span does not go beyond email chain letters.  Sorry sugar, Noah didn’t have dinosaurs on the ark, and no matter how fuckable you might be in our bizarre librarian fantasies, you need to realize your limits.  You are out of your element.  And the sad thing is even when you lose the election next week we will continue to hear from you…….you aren’t going away.  But that’s okay, neither am I. 

Wow, that was cathartic.  Seriously.  You may not hear from me that often anymore, but when you do I have some shit to SAY.  And don’t peg me as some run of the mill liberal…I would literally recreate that scene in Schindler’s List where they kill those 2 Jews with one bullet, but those Jews would be substituted with Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh.  Seriously, Republicans don’t own the rights to being completely insane fundamentalist assholes who cater to the absolute dumbest common denominator.  Give me a blue eyed Republican on the turn and I will give you a typical moveon.org member on the river (yep, been playing too much online poker lately). 

So anyway, maybe all this weight loss has ruined my brain….all I’m doing here is hammering the Republican nominees while saying nothing about MY candidate.  And you know what?  Fuckin’ A, I don’t make my living off of this shit, so you get what you get.  I’m not smart enough to get into the boring minutea of every poll and political jot and tittle, but at the same time my opinions do go beyond your run of the mill “The Lone Marine” email chain.  I think about this stuff.  A lot. Probably more than is healthy.  And I do know people who won’t vote for Obama just because he is black…..even though he makes Tiger Woods look like Tupac.  And honestly, I own my racist tendencies.  I’m not proud of them, but I acknowledge that they exist.  I purposely moved to what is arguably the absolute whitest part of Kansas City…….the cops up here have “I Heart Racial Profiling” on their uniforms, and I feel safe.  I just don’t have enough money to live in a gated community and be one of those white people who can distance themselves from the ‘hood, yet be liberal enough to pretend to care.  I’m white trash, so I do what I can to not get robbed.  I come from the ‘hood, did my time there.  Now I live among my own……and I have no clue what that has to do with this post other than the fact that race is an issue in this election.   If you don’t vote for Obama just because he’s black, you are truly insane. 

Wow, I really have jumped all over the place here.  And it has been more for me than for you, so I apologize if it does not live up to the bard-level writing to which you have become accustomed.  I just knew I needed to get on here and say something before next week.  From the gut, I will just say…..for those of you who hated Hillary so badly, what makes you love Palin?  And for those of you who jumped on the swiftboat bandwagon against Kerry, what makes you more comfortable with a guy who graduated in the bottom one percent of his class in naval academy, yet was able to fly planes because of who his dad and grandfather were, and crashed four of those planes before crashing the one that got him captured?  Don’t get me wrong, if you’re a veteran from ANY war, as far as I’m concerned you can walk down the street pissing on parked cars with no comeuppance whatsoever, you get an unlimited pass to saying or doing whatever you want…..I just may not think you should be my next president. 

Sure, this year the presidency will be won due to retard-level politics and I am chief retard.  I just know in my heart how to discern between good and evil.  I am NOT saying that Obama is purely good and the answer we have been waiting for, I am just saying that Palin is absolutely evil and McCain has the stink of “special needs child” on him.  I don’t go into this election lightly, especially considering my voting record, which I have displayed for you unrepentently.  I was born on the 4th of July in the midwest, a son of fundamentalist religion who has given the Republican party chance after chance after chance.  I don’t hate conservatives, I don’t have some huge axe to grind, and I haven’t suddenly lost my damn mind.  This year I just want to see something different, I want to see something other than the past eight years of American ethical and financial bankruptcy.  If I’m standing in a cold war era breadline next year, I’ll get back to you on how I think it all turned out, but seriously, vote for Barack Obama next week.  Considering the opposition, it is just the right thing to do.  If you are a friend of mine and you vote for McCain, hey I still love you and I always will, don’t think that this is some manifesto where I’m drawing the line on who is important in my life.  I’m not that shallow.  I’m just saying we are on the brink of what could be something wonderful at most, and the same as the past eight years at the least.  When you get into that booth next week and anything I have had to say sways you, that is what privacy is all about…..you can still love Jesus and America and vote for Obama, you don’t have to tell me or anyone else about it.

ELECTION UPDATE! —-  I just got back from voting, it was a pretty calm and orderly environment, no lines to speak of.  Weird though, this was the first time I’ve basically sat at folding tables out in the open filling out my ballot.  Only thing worth mentioning is that I vote at a church, and when I drove up there were campaign signs for every single Republican candidate all over the lawn.  Funny, I didn’t think churches were supposed to DO that, with the whole separation of church and state/tax exempt status thing…..  Anyway, it’s going to be a long day and night.  And for the record, yes I DID vote for Obama…..

ELECTION UPDATE #2! —- Well, this is one hell of an historic day.  I couldn’t be happier, yet also relieved that all of the campaign hoopla is DONE.  Although the C.H.U.D. is already celebrating Virginia going blue this year, I’m waiting until the last nine percent of the votes are reported here in Missouri in the hopes that Obama can close McCain’s one percent lead.  Even if I don’t get THAT little victory, I just have to say……HOLY SHIT! WAS THAT A LANDSLIDE OR WAS THAT A LANDSLIDE!  Thank you John McCain for adding such an insane and evil fundamentalist to your ticket…..she guaranteed our win!  So go and cry your tears folks…I know when we wake up tomorrow it will be to a tsunami of socialism heading our way…that damn liberal media went and capsized McCain….it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that America knew the right thing to do and we Americans acted on that absolute correct and accurate instinct.  God Bless America, and God Bless President Obama!

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Filed under Bariatric Surgery, culture, Evangelical Christianity, Food, General Thoughts, Health, Healthy Eating, Recovery, Tent Revival, Weight Loss

The One Year Checkup….

Last week I visited my surgeon for the highly anticipated one year checkup.  It’s hard to believe that it has already been a year because there have been so many dramatic changes in such a short period of time.  My blood work came back fantastic, and the only real issue is my blood pressure….which is just a family curse.  Overall I have dropped 150lbs in the past year, and when the doctor walked in he immediately started laughing in my face, then apologizing because “I just looked so much different than the last time he saw me”.  So that felt pretty good.  I was really nervous about the appointment because I had no concept of whether or not the 150lb loss was good, average or just okay for a guy that was my size prior to the gastric bypass.  You kind of lose any concept of normalcy after a while.   Even though I’m still a big guy, I haven’t been down in the 270’s since back in 1990 when I was doing the Physician’s Weight Loss program, so this is some new territory for me.  What is REALLY sweet is the fact that I am now only “obese”…..I’m under the cut-off for “morbidly obese” by a couple of pounds.  And in fifty or sixty more pounds I’ll only be “overweight”…..so yay for me.

I don’t do too many “normal” posts anymore, especially ones dedicated strictly to the WLS experience, so I’m not sure how to approach it….I guess I’ll do what I do best and go at it stream of consciousness style……

Lots of big changes……this blog for one.  I don’t post as much as I used to, but I look at that as a sign of progress because I’m generally spending less time in front of a television or computer.  When I go back and read some of my earliest posts it cracks me up to think of egg day and all of the pain with the initial recovery.  The fear that I didn’t feel “stuffed” after eating one egg like so many people talk about, and how worried I was that they took the drains out too early. Oh the drains.  The drains are the absolute fucking worst.  Well, those and the catheter.  I’m glad my skin is holding up, because apparently there are plenty of drains involved with skin removal surgery.  Tet hose, having to pscyh myself up for a half hour before trying to hoist myself out of the chair……and then the landslide of weight falling off for the first few months.  The weight loss has slowed down significantly, part of that is my fault, but I’ll take the 150 in a year.  Looking back on the evolution of this blog has been a trip….some ranting, some raving, a few moments of brief enlightenment, but mostly it has been a much needed sounding board in the middle of all of this dramatic lifestyle shift. 

Without this blog I wouldn’t have found an avenue to let my friends and family know what is really on my mind, and thankfully it keeps me from having to repeat the same WLS information over and over as people want updates.  I’ve also met some new cyberfriends, found helpful weight loss surgery online communities, and made use of invaluable tools like “The Five Day Pouch Test”.  Most importantly, I wouldn’t have met my current girlfriend without this blog with such classics as “On Dating”.  Now we criss-cross between Kansas City and Richmond, and I can fit into the coach class airline seats as easily as I’ll (or any human) probably ever be able to.  Speaking of the physical changes, I can mow my front and backyards one after the other in record time and I don’t have to plan my walking ahead of time to figure out the least strenuous path.  I’ve given away huge trash bags full of big boy clothing, and am wearing fifteen year old clothes until I go from the smallest size in the big and tall stores to the large sizes in normal retail stores. 

Since surgery I’ve finished my Masters in Organizational Psych with a 3.95 GPA, I performed one of my best friend’s weddings, hosted various parties at my house, visited different parts of the country….meeting up with the C.H.U.D. for the first time in DC and then rubbing elbows with Nashville’s ruling elite and drinking their wine.  It has been one hell of a year.

Of course, it hasn’t been 100% dreamy…..anyone who has had this much change in such a short amount of time can attest to that.  They had to take my stomach away from me because if left to my own devices I wouldn’t have lived until the age of fifty….so there are underlying issues at play.  An addictive personality is an addictive personality…if it’s not food it’s something else.  So once they took the food away and my favorite fatty foods started making me sick (I literally thank God for dumping syndrome), I found out the hard way that my love for alcohol was something I’d have to come to terms with.  A few bites of General Tso’s chicken will have me sweating and vomiting like I just ran a marathon, but sweet sweet booze was just as wonderful as always.  I’m on the wagon for the timebeing, but I’m not someone who will pretend that I’ll NEVER drink.  My alcohol and food issues are intertwined, and I keep seeing my therapist pretty regularly to talk about all of this, but booze is awesome and it makes you very cool.  I’ll drink some during the holidays, I’m planning a huge party for my 40th bday next year, and also there is no way in hell I’m missing the next Nashville Wine Auction extravaganza next summer.  So there you go. 

There has been a lot to think about in regard to the food addiction in the past year, but the positives outweigh the negatives by about 99 percent.  You hear a lot about people having complications after WLS, so maybe I’m one of the lucky ones so far.  Then again, I did a hell of a lot of research and found the best possible surgeon.  The procedure is no joke, and judging by the sheer number of tv and radio ads for WLS I think too many doctors and patients look at this like it’s Lasik.  The biggest thing I have to remind myself is that this is just a tool. No more, no less.  It’s no magic bullet, it takes constant thought and planning to stay healthy and keep losing weight.  But all of those things aside I’m just a lot happier with who I am, and my appearance isn’t the first thing on my mind when I leave the house.  

Now hopefully none of you will have to read anything like that again until NEXT year’s checkup.  While I’m yammering away, last weekend was the ultimate event of the year……Paws in the Park.  Anyone who knows me well realizes I take things pretty casually and I don’t get too excited about much.  However, the promise of a few hundred dogs down in our local park has me giddy months ahead of time.  Not only does the event benefit our local shelter, it’s basically the coolest thing in town all year.  Just a few pics of the start of the fun walk, the beautiful banks of the Missouri river, vendors and tents galore, and finally me and the gang. I hope to get even more people involved next year.  Notice MY dog is the one who isn’t smart enough to turn around for the camera…..

 

 

And last but not least, since I’ve written the most typical of all mundane types of blog posts, I will leave you with one of my favorite jokes….

An old man goes to the doctor.  After his exam, the doctor says “I’m sorry, I’ve got some bad news…..you’ve got alzheimer’s AND you’ve got cancer”.  So the old man says, “Well, thank God I don’t have cancer”. 

And that’s about it. Time for my tiny dinner.

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Filed under Bariatric Surgery, culture, Evangelical Christianity, Food, General Thoughts, Health, Healthy Eating, Recovery, Tent Revival, Weight Loss