Eh, not too much going on here of late…looking for jobs, cooking and cleaning, going to meetings….and of course I HAVE been watching plenty of reality television. I’m hoping that Bret Michaels will be back for a new season, but in the meantime I have to say that Tool Academy is a fine, fine substitute. The Atlanta Housewives were pretty good this season, and now we’re into the third week of the original gold diggers from Orange County. Last night saw the premiere of the second season of Tough Love, and I’m ecstatic about the new crop of completely bizarrely insane females who do not possess reason, logic or intelligence….the shaming that they will experience as they are dogged out every week will be sublime. With fall here I’m pretty happy with a lineup that makes a couple of our other favorites, Top Chef and Project Runway, look like McNeil Lehrer in comparison. And how about that Russell on Survivor?
After being in treatment myself, I’m not sure how I feel about Dr. Drew’s franchise……Celebrity Rehab and Sober House provide some good entertainment, but Sex Rehab pretty much sucks. I was kind of half-watching last night, and during either the episode or a preview, whoever the skanked out ex-Miss Teen America is was getting in Dr. Drew’s face or telling him to fuck off or something. That gave me a great idea. Remember that clown that would come and sweep people off of the stage during those Apollo Theatre talent shows? Well, between that and those constant commercials for the movie “Precious”, I got my latest brainstorm. I think it should debut on Sex Rehab, but there is a ton of crossover potential for it. Basically, when someone gets REALLY out of line and in Dr. Drew’s face, telling him to fuck off or whatnot, a really HUGE black woman needs to burst into the room, chairs and tables rattling and falling as they part the way for her…..and she needs to start screaming at the offender- “You did NOT just talk to Dr. Drew like that!”. But it doesn’t end there, it goes on for at least two or three minutes and she just keeps screaming the same thing, building up a sweat, spit flying…”YOU DID NOT JUST TALK TO DR. DREW LIKE THAT! YOU.DID.NOT.JUST.TALK.TO.DR.DREW.LIKE.THAT….you did NOT just TALK to Dr. Drew like THAT!”. And the key to the whole thing is that she is as insane and out of control as possible, with the camera cutting to Dr. Drew every once in a while, and he’s just sitting there taking notes and observing. And it has to go on for a while, long enough to freak the person out and long enough to waste a segment of television time large enough to let the audience know they are fully committed to the new format.
Of course, as the popularity grows and the woman becomes an instant celebrity, she can pop up on different programs. “YOU DID NOT JUST PUKE THAT MAGGOTY FISH ONTO JEFF PROBST! YOU did NOT just puke that maggoty FISH onto JEFF PROBST!”. I think that before her fifteen minutes were up it would be successful enough to worm its way into the regular primetime lineup. For example, there are a million shows now that are basically the same thing….like those Criminal Order Victim Whispering bullshit shows. “YOU DID NOT JUST RAPE THAT BABY CHILD! YOOUUUUUUU did NOOOOOTTTT just rape that BAYYYBEEEEEE CHIIIIILLLLD!”.
Anyway, I think it’s a hell of an idea. Who wouldn’t enjoy that? Even if you aren’t into reality tv, you’d surely tune in just to see a Precious lookalike losing her shit all up in some unsuspecting person’s personal space. And it would add a little umph to the usual morning-after-The-Office-episode water cooler talk. I can just see the memos going out to the staff from HR now….”Due to the recent heart attack suffered by Myron Hubbard, we have to ask that employees stop running up to their co-workers and screaming in their faces like that gigantic black woman from the television”.
And now to totally switch gears, here’s a joke I made up that only a real drunk would find funny. In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy….If you have to take a drink so that you DON’T fall in the shower, then you might be an alcoholic. When I thought of that joke it reminded me of something I shared during group while I was in the hospital. I think of the bond that addicts share as “dysfunctional elitism”. To an outsider, AA can look like just another stupid club or even a cult. I know that in the past I passed the same kind of judgment…AA’ers seemed like preachy clones and could come off as holier than thou. Therein lies the perceived elitism. Coming at it from the inside now, I wouldn’t necessarily call it elitism, but there is absolutely a cameraderie and common bond that cannot be denied. And that’s a good thing, it’s what keeps people coming back and eases the need for a drink. This Saturday we’re going to the 35th anniversary party for my group…..food, dancing, karaoke…exactly what you’d find at pretty much any big organizational party, minus the alcohol. And sure, my kneejerk reaction would be that it sounds like the gayest fucking thing imaginable. However, that bond and ease of communication and socialization that comes along with it will make it a very good Saturday night. But ultimately, the vast majority of gatherings are closed. Members only. However, the price of membership is to be completely fucked. Lots of very broken people looking to get better……there you have the dysfunction. And I don’t look at the label of dysfunctional elitism as anything negative……it’s pretty funny, but maybe only to the people who get my Foxworthy style joke.
So things are still pretty calm and good around the house. We spent Halloween evening at my sponsor’s house, having dinner and playing board games with him and his wife. My wife took a day off for her birthday on Friday, and we spent the day going down to the River Market and to the Nelson Art Gallery before meeting my parents for dinner. We’re trying to decide what to make for Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother’s, and we are fully stocked as far as the Christmas tree and ornaments are concerned. In the past, I’d still enjoy all of these things, but in the back of my mind I’d be anxiously awaiting my alone time. Now it’s possible to just calm down and enjoy the moments themselves. Even with the seemingly endless job search and related drama, I’m in a very good place. Just got off the phone with a good friend of mine from out east. One of the only people I can have prolonged discussions with in which we completely disagree on fundamental issues, yet somehow in the end manage to solve all of the world’s ills. So out out of here for now, but shall return….